A Brand New Week

Seth has been more talkative today, and we actually got out and spoke to Cole and the rest of his crew. They're all concerned about him, but one day at a time we will get him through this bout of depression.

Aside from my darling husband's terrible birthday weekend, I had a few new pictures to add to my cakery-log.

 the owner of this cake was infatuated with the color peach, but hated the word "mum", so they had me change it to "mom" - but that wasn't on the order form...

 This is my custom order Tiki 12" Cookie.

 A Bumble Bee Hive for two-year old Elena!!

 Strawberry cream cheese croissants for the gourmet case.

 Party cake

 Bosola making Devil Dogs for the gourmet case

 Our 9" cookies, freshly baked!!!

red velvet cupcakes with cream cheese whipped cream

I had some pictures of me making buttercream, but I didn't get one of the complete buttercream, so maybe tomorrow night I'll have one. I'll keep updating on my hubby, and hopefully with another visit to his counselor and doctor the veil of depression will break.

The Soup of the Day

As I'm sitting to eat my dinner, condensed soup, I realize that I haven't eaten in nearly two days. I normally skip meals, but everyday now it's no breakfast, or a doughnut and an empty stomach. I guess having a fridge full of cupcakes rid me of my appetite, bu also I have no desire to eat most things and I have almost forgotten I have a stomach with needs!

Aside from the matter, I finished reading one of the novels I checked out, Little Stalker by Jennifer Belle. It was definitely a good and interesting read, but I wish there was a little more build-up at the end; it seemed like everything was happening perfectly to the narrator except her newlywed marriage in her thirty-somethings. I would have liked Belle to illustrate a little of her married life after meeting her idol and marrying a paparazzo, but instead the readers got a happily ever after, the end.

I started a new novel called Hello Kitty Must Die by Angela Choi. Weird so far, and I dig weird.

My husband visited the ER today. He was put under suicide watch for a few hours, and his counselor recommended hospitalization, but after speaking to a few people and the doctor, I felt he was okay to come home under a few noted changes. 

Crown Me

I've been having some fun bringing my camera to work. I really would like to keep an accurate account of the work i do at the bakery. Just yesterday I was having a good slow day and took the time to get some quarter sheets done for the beginning of the week, and dipped some strawberries for the case. I finished them with white chocolate colored yellow for spring!

Today was my day off!

All I did was lie around and read and watch season 3 of Scrubs...it was fantastic! Even though dinner came really late tonight, I still managed to throw something together that was delicious and filling. Defrosted a chuck roast my MIL bought last December when we were in a bind. I had one potato and a bag of carrots, an onion and a box of quinoa. I thought about cooking the beef in chunks with tomatoes, but the size of the cut was tremendous! So we threw it on some foil in a glass dish, with the potato and carrot and some onion, and five garlic cloves, and a whole lotta Chicago steak rub. The canned green beans and quinoa were less impressive, but the roast, mmmHMmmm!

During the laziness of the day, Seth and I Photo-shopped a little dream I've been having recently. I've gotten into the pageant reality shows on cable, but I watch on Netflix, and I think they are just fabulous! Now I can' stop wearing my make-up to work, hoping to be noticed by a modeling agent or judge for Mrs. Oklahoma....what a silly dream, to want to win a crown, a title. But looky what I did for myself:

God, I look beautiful! Thank you!!

Of course, this may never happen, i know. It's only something to look forward to right now, but a girl can dream! For now I'm going to continue reading my current book, Little Stalker, by Jennifer Belle, and interesting and funny read and I'm more than halfway through. I'm happy I picked up a few books. Goodnight!

FINALLY!

I didn't know that when I started throwing my mind back into the literary world again that it would be he Full moon. What a glorious, dusky sunset with the sweet smell of heavy rain clouds.

I found my groove in the bakery today, well, actually last night as I had worked a little over eleven hours. The store greeters were giving out free twelve-ounce bottles of Sun Drop and Diet Sun Drop, so I got one even though I already drank a Diet Dr Pepper. I was flipping cakes onto racks and shelves, and I'll mention the four or so orders someone didn't have time to do and one of these orders was posted under the wrong day. However the day wasn't a total bust of caffienated irratation, I made the smoothest buttercream and produce a little back-up. Of course I always leave wishing I had donoe more and more, but i would stay the whole night! Oh my cakes, they're getting gorgeous and elegant, sometimes contemporary, and in the case of that OSU 40th BD cake, completely wild if my customer wants it that way.

The head decorator at work made some buttcream on Thursday. I couldn't come in because DH was sick Wednesday morning, so there was no buttercream. Her icing came out aweful! All air and wet, I'm not sure what she did but I'm glad I usually make the icing. On Friday she admitted to me and Siu that it was terrible, and when I saw her this afternoon she was pretty chiper and ready to get home! Just strange behavior, I guess.

Well, it's another day and I'm waiting for him to  get home. love and hugs.

Last Week Cupcake Seminar

Here in the good Midwest, Oklahoma held host to a cupcake seminar. Me and three other decorators showed up in our whites to represent our store, Crest Foods. I gained a little new knowledge from the presentation provided by Rich's Bakery and have some pictures to share! I also have a picture of the anniversary cake I made for my two-year mark!!

Make Time

Now, shortly before my hubby comes home from security duty, i wanted to jot a few things down that have happened recently.

I had to punish myself. You see, my DH and I have this arrangement involving threesomes. We love it when it happens, though it's only happened twice thus far, but the rule is that it is a group adventure, and I broke that trust. All in all, I cheated on him with a girlfriend, and i had to tell him because I'm an honest person, and in time he says he will forgive me, and I know that, but I felt so bad that I couldn't feel regret or anger at myself, so I had to do it. It was the first time in years, since college, that I had caused self-inflicted harm, but I had to, because he wouldn't punish me for it. I grabbed the sharp end of an earring and scratch across the surface of my left wrist, over and over  and over until i saw a little blood. The scars, or what's left of it, i know will fade over the next couple days. But this was something that felt too good to not repeat. So on Sunday, after i woke him to give me a ride, he awoke with such anger and began screaming at me about not knowing how to drive....what else was i to do but punish myself again for being incompetent. Grabbed the scissors this time, five, six, seven, oh there's the little bit of pain... I've been wearing a bandage for several days, however I'm sure these cuts are still not deep enough to scar, I'm not worried. He would not let go to work afterward, as any caring husband would do.

I don't want to die, and I have never wanted to end my life. But I want to give out the punishment I know I deserve.

2011 Writing so Far

A couple of things I need to post before I can start blogging this year, just get sorted out and all....

January 3, 2011

I have gained a few pounds after this miscarriage we had in November. I haven't been eating as well, or as often, and I been smoking many more cigarettes and pot. There has been no notice of the bills piling up on our desk and Grandma bailed us out of debt for Christmas. I guess you could say things are little rocky right now, but I digress! It is not our marriage falling down. As newlyweds, Seth and I feel strong about our vows, and though our communication is lax, our bond is strong. And we are faithful.

January 24, 2011

On the bus again. I texted Eric to confirm what i heard from Darlene. Yes, our W2's came in today. After readying myself i hopped on the bus to the grocery store, where I worked. Dressed in my dark brown boots, jeans, red dress, red jacket, brown scarf and Mexican necklace. My hair was in an updo. And I am listening to Lady Gaga - LOVE IT!

February 8, 2011

Im going to work on an empty stomach - I'll see if someone in produce can hook me up with some breakfast. While walking, I thought I'd write a haiku for the snow coming:

Snow, glistening down.

My town will be covered soon;

Our snow-covered town.

Today I brought nothing but this journal, which I planned on copying into a Word Doc yesterday but couldn't get motivated to do so. It feels good to write. I really need to get back in the practice because nothing, no talent, is more appreciated than an artist's written word, his literature and original thoughts. Although, nothing may be more criticized, either.

The ponds here are all frozen.